Heroes' Unwanted Reward
by BitterAzure
Summary: If it was a prize from God, it sure wasn't a very good one. None of them asked for this. And if they had to be born again, why make them remember everything? [Reincarnation AU. I know it's pretty common in the fandom, but I've never seen it done like I'd have liked. It's my go at it and I hope it's a bit more realistic. M later. Modern England. One chapter - one day.]
1. Prologue

„Hello?"

„Ah, Alex, darling!," a cheerful, young voice rang on the other end of the line. The woman was his landlady. "I know you told me anyone is alright, but I'm a bit worried after all. Have you met him yet?"

"No, no. I'm still in the train. I should be there in an hour or two. Is there a problem?," he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Well… I'm not sure. He has barely moved in so I went to check on him today. You know, just to make sure everything is alright. And he just seems a bit _off_."

"What do you mean?"

"It's probably nothing, really. Maybe it's just that he's not even European. I don't know. I was never good with foreigners," she sighed. "Just let me know when you meet him, okay?"

"I will, but why―"

"Don't worry about it. I don't want to bias your opinion."

And there he was, going back from his hometown where he visited his family for his father's birthday, a new flatmate awaiting to meet him in their now shared apartment. He had to admit it all sounded very nice. Like he was having a pleasant, peaceful life. It might have been so if it wasn't just...

Lies. Big, giant lies.

Alex? No. Oh fuck no. His name was _Allen_ , not Alexander, goddamit. There was one person a long time ago – long enough that he shouldn't even have memories from those times at all – that couldn't remember this one word. Allen thought it was aggravating then, but now― now he would have to argue with his _birth certificate_ about that.

The same document stated he was born twenty four years ago. What a joke. It was really so much earlier than that. He didn't like to think about it, but it wasn't like he could just forget; that he was not _normal_. He wondered so many times if he wasn't just sick somehow, mentally. But what would that make his friend Fen? No, not Fen – _Lenalee_. Would it mean she was an illusion conjured by his tormented mind or what? He almost snorted. It was _so_ highly unlikely. Illusions didn't have jobs as flight attendants, for God's sake. Didn't have husbands, children, co-workers.

He met her when he was twelve, flying by plane to spend two weeks of his precious vacations with his parents on Hawaii. They could afford that. Which was only one of the many things Allen couldn't get used to.

When he noticed her then, he dropped his meal. He felt really bad for it since she had to clean that after him, but he couldn't help the shock that overwhelmed him. It was the first sign of his unexplainable memories being real. His mother was looking at him with a really weird expression for the rest of the day, but running after Lenalee to the second class compartment was still worth it. He clutched her arm, maybe a bit forcefully and she was clearly bothered by that, not sure if she should make a real problem out of that since he was only a child. When he pathetically stuttered "It's you, isn't it? Lenalee" her rigorist job was probably the only reason she managed to remain calm. She was on the verge of crying though, he saw that.

They exchanged mail addresses right then and met up as soon as they could. In London, when Allen told his parents he was going to for his friends' birthday party. They believed him easily, he was – for obvious reasons – a really mature child and they trusted him.

He and Lenalee were in contact since then and he was endlessly glad about it. There were moments when she was the only thing keeping him sane. Though, being a mother already, she fawned over him sometimes, cooing what an adorable child he was. It was a bit embarrassing, but he let her do as she pleased. She lived in USA anyway, so it wasn't like they met up very often. Though still it was possible, due to her being a flight attendant. She always let him know if she was in England.

Smiling at the thought of her, he let his mind wander around the new flatmate thing. Should he be worried? His landlady seemed really thrown off by him, whoever he was. Not European, huh?

Regardless, he hoped they could get along.

His mind still lingered on the thought when he got in the metro. He was tired. Being with his family always did that to him. It was horrible, really. He wasn't the person they thought he was and he couldn't really let them know. So being asked about how was he doing he could only talk about college and his job. No mentions of feeling lost and not quite in place.

He rearranged his travelling bag on his arm, now walking the streets. He wondered what was waiting for him in the apartment.

He was admittedly so distressed that he stood in front of his door for about five minutes before he turned the lock.

Well, he would take on anything that comes his way. It wasn't like he had any choice.


	2. One day when unwanted reunion took place

A/N

The length of chapters here might differ a great deal, actually. Each chap is a separate day.

#$

4th May, Saturday

To Allen's bewilderment, the apartment was empty. There was a jacket he didn't recognize hanging on the rack, but that was about it for a first glance. Well, the guy could be anywhere, no one said he has to be home all the time.

"Hello?," he called once more just to be sure as he entered the living room. Still, no response.

It was a spacious place. It was really too big for him to be honest. That's part of why he wanted a flatmate anyway.

It was all his mother's fault. She just loved to spoil him. His younger brother, Benjamin, didn't have it that good and he felt awful for it. It was just that― his parents thought he was a genius. It wasn't like he could blame them for that, but truthfully he was just― an adult. All this time, since the early years, he mentally was a fucking adult. And more on the average side at that.

But even as his studies went pretty normally, no big achievements or anything, his parents' hopes only kept going up. It was infuriating. He wanted to apologize to his brother so many times, but just couldn't. It wasn't like it was all possible to explain. He much more preferred to be hated, acting as a stimuli for Ben to better himself. At least he was progressing this way.

He cared for his family, he really did. They were good people but― well, to put it bluntly, he never thought he really belonged with them.

He sighed and went to his room to stash his things away. He knew it would sit for a week if he didn't unpack it now, so he did just that. Then, he made himself some tea, just sitting at the table in the kitchen, waiting.

He was really starting to get anxious. What if the person wasn't going to show up today? As he was sitting there, fidgety, he noticed the door to the previously empty room weren't closed. And he knew he shouldn't. He was just so _curious_.

He got up, feeling like he was doing something really nasty. But he just wanted to peek inside. It wasn't that bad, was it?

Tentative steps carried him across the apartment and then he grabbed the handle, pushing the door wide open. Well―

It didn't look _used_ much, really. That is, a luggage was resting at the top of the wardrobe and there was a laptop tossed on the bed and all. But it was just so impossibly empty besides that. It made him sad, somehow. Though he guessed it was rather normal, there's only been a few days. He smiled to himself at his own stupidity. What was he expecting? He almost laughed. He had a tendency to be paranoid, sometimes.

His humour came to an abrupt stop as he noticed one detail that made him freeze. There was a― a _sword_. Resting innocently next to the bed, sheathed. It was― Well, it was weird in itself, but, what was much worse, he had a feeling he saw it somewhere before. Somewhere…

"What do you think you're doing, dipshit, " a dangerously-sounding voice came from behind him and his muscles tightened up all at once at the sound of it, recognition flaring in his mind instantly.

Before he knew what was happening, his new flatmate moved to pin him against the wall, but he backed away in time, watching the person before him with a wide eyes and quickened breath. No. _No_. It was―

Impossible. He had shorter hair, reaching barely past his shoulders and he was clearly not as muscular, but―

That _face_ , that voice―

"Why the fuck would you go into my room?"

A fist swung at him, but he avoided the threat again.

He felt he should not speak up. He wanted so much to explain himself. To say that the door was open, that he was only curious, that he was sorry, that he didn't even really go inside. But no, if he spoke up―

He was so glad he looked different. His natural hair was a reddish kind of brown after all and, well, he was _normal_ , outwardly _._ Nothing marred his face. If he could refrain from speaking up, it would be probably really hard to tell. That he was Allen. That they knew each other.

Blue eyes of the Asian man watched him curiously. He was clearly not used to people being able keep up with him in a fight.

Allen resisted the urge to stupidly cover his face.

"Speak up, damn it." The man was losing his temper and Allen was too shell-shocked to react in time anymore, his pulse raging impossibly fast.

"Fuck," he groaned as he hit the wall, a hand firmly twisted in his shirt. He only realised that he said it out loud as thin eyebrows furrowed angrily, the man watching him with some kind of curiosity.

Not thinking much, he forcefully pushed him away in panic.

The Asian guy looked disoriented, probably not having expected him to have much strength. Distracted in this way, he had no chance of catching up as Allen bolted away, loudly locking himself up in the bathroom.

His body was shaking, he noticed in embarrassment. He wasn't― imagining things, was he? No, he knew he wasn't. That person certainly was―

He was even more sure than that time with Lenalee, actually.

He took a few deep breaths, reluctant steps carrying him to the sink. He didn't like looking at himself in the mirror, really. So he spared his own face barely a glance, washing it with cold water before his body slumped forward, tightly closed fists supporting his bodyweight.

He didn't plan to hide here forever, no. He just needed a few seconds for reality to sink in. He briefly considered trying to play dumb, but― fuck, he wasn't about to watch every word he said _at_ _home_.

He remained like he was more a few more minutes before steeling himself. As he exited into the living room again, his mind was firmly set on what he should do.

His new flatmate was currently unpacking groceries he surely was out doing up until he shocked the shit out of Allen. Honestly, he appeared so suddenly. He didn't hear his steps at all. But, well, he could do that, too.

The Asian man only noticed him when he took a sip of his already cold tea, putting the cup down with a cling. As he turned his face to Allen quietly sitting at the table behind him, he seemed more than surprised.

"I thought you ran away pissing your pants?," he scoffed, composing himself quickly.

Damn that smug bastard. Fuck, he hasn't missed him at all.

"Well, no. Not really." Allen steadied his gaze, a flicker of something like a recognition flashing in the other man's eyes. "I see you're still as charming as ever."

"What the fu―."

"Shut up, Kanda," Allen snapped before he could stop himself, a pack of noodles the man was holding instantly falling to the floor. The moment stretched impossibly, atmosphere heavy enough that the air seemed almost solid. Then the shocked blue eyes suddenly filled with anger.

"I'm moving out," he spat irritably, directing steps to his room as soon as he said that.

Allen sighed. _Of course_ he would act like that.

"You're making no sense. You've already paid for this month," he called after him tiredly.

"Like I care. It's not worth being stuck with you, dipshit," Kanda growled.

"No respect for the money, I see," Allen murmured under his breath, finishing the tea in one gulp. Well, it wasn't like he cared. The man could get his ass out of here in that very second, actually. It was probably just for the best.

The sounds of angry shuffling around rang in his ears with some sense of finality. He hated how much it bothered him when a distinct noise of a luggage being thrown on the bed followed.

He suddenly remembered how miserable he was before he found Fen. This feeling of insanity creeping on him as he had no guarantee his past self really existed. But he haven't felt that for a long time now. The contact with his old friend helped him so much. So he didn't need _Kanda_ of all people. Not anymore.

Lenalee would probably kill him though. If she got to know he met another of their companions and let him go just like that.

"You should stay," he spoke up.

Kanda actually stuck his head out of the room just to look at him furiously.

"We both don't want that."

"No. But Lenalee does. Probably."

At that, Asian's eyes actually cleared up a little. Allen knew he had a soft spot for her. She was one of the very few that managed to really become friends with him. How did she do it, honestly.

"You've met her." It wasn't even a question.

"Yeah." He nodded, purposefully not adding any more information.

"And?" Kanda was back to the kitchen in a flash, slamming his hands on the table, impatient.

"She's okay." Allen shrugged, trying hard to sound nonchalant. "Kids and husband and all."

Kanda let out a small breath of relief.

How _nice_. He really cared about her. It made Allen feel bitter, somehow. Though it was probably unfair of him. He was as eager to know how the ex exorcist was doing as the man cared about Allen himself. Despite that, he couldn't help noticing that Kanda's current reality was very likely as fucked-up as his once was. He could tell by how distressed the man seemed. It was truly nice that at least Lenalee was able to deal with this sick joke that their existence in those modern times was.

His eyes rested at his own pitch-black left hand with a grimace and he regretted it sorely as Kanda followed his gaze.

"Is it still―," the man begun, but Allen cut him off.

" _No_ ," he said sharply, immediately hiding it under the table.

Under Kanda's sceptic stare, he became repulsed with the whole situation.

"You know what, I changed my mind. Get out," he spat with a straight face, getting up to go to his room. Fuck Kanda. He didn't have to put up with this.

"Oh fuck no," he bit right back at Allen, following him. "You're not going to boss me around. And fucking give me a contact to her, you brat."

" _Fuck you_. And as far as I know I'm older than you now, _brat_." Kanda's expression of rage was priceless as he shut the door right in his face.


	3. One day when problem refused to resolve

5th May, Sunday

Allen shuffled out of his room with a feeling of resignation and his mood only worsened when the first thing he saw that morning was Kanda's disgusted face directed right at him.

Judging by the towel he had around his hips, the man clearly just took a shower and, thank God, was going to his room to dress himself for the day.

Because really, he didn't want to look at his bitch face so damn much.

After dealing with the morning routine in the bathroom, Allen found himself in the kitchen. The problem was that Kanda did as well and they were just bumping into each other every few seconds, each making his own breakfast in separate frying pans. Endless frustration was filling the air.

"Can't you fucking wait with that until I'm finished, I was here first," Kanda snapped after the other male hit him with his elbow for what had to be the tenth time.

"I _lived_ here first, Kanda," Allen bit right back, purposefully snatching butter just as his flatmate was about to use it.

The whole morning continued in a similar manner and it only got worse as time ticked by. Especially as they realised that neither had any plans to go out and apparently they were stuck together for the time being.

They settled on pretty much ignoring each other, but the landlady called to 'Alex' sometime around noon and he couldn't resist getting on Kanda's nerves just a little bit more.

"Yes, I've met him. Sorry for not calling yesterday," he said loudly enough that the other man heard him awfully clearly as he sat on the couch, Allen resting against the kitchen counter in a relaxed fashion. Knowing that he had the Asian's full attention now, he smiled with satisfaction.

"And? What do you think?," the woman asked him with poorly concealed curiosity.

"He's an _ass_. I doubt it has anything to do with him not being European though. He just has an awful personality."

Kanda glared at him, now openly.

"Oh? So I was right about him," she sighed. "Well― so what are we going to do?" Then there was a pause and Allen could almost see her being struck with a realisation. "Wait. He's out right now or something, right? Is it really safe for you to be talking like that?"

"No, no. He's listening. Don't worry though. I think it flatters him," he scoffed and the woman hummed uncertainly.

"You sound pretty confident about that. Do you know each other by any chance?"

"Well, yes, actually. He used to love making my life hell a long time ago." He ostentatiously turned his back on Kanda as he was saying that, imagining him tightening his fists in frustration.

"A long time? Like what, kindergarten? You sound so old sometimes, Alex," she laughed and he made himself do the same, even if with a hint of bitterness.

If only she knew.

"Anyway, are you going to be okay then?"

"Yeah, I think I can manage," he assured her.

She didn't sound all that convinced, but was clearly busy and as he heard some voices in the background, she hastily apologized that they had to end the conversation for now.

"Okay, bye. I'll let you know if he causes any problems."

With that, he slid his phone back into his pocket.

Kanda clicked his tongue, moving to hole himself up in his room with an air of irritation. "You're the brat after all," he spat before shutting the door.

Allen smiled to himself at that. It was so strangely nice, really. Behaving like that instead of constantly worrying about people noticing something odd about him, struggling for their acceptance. Kanda's opinion on him couldn't get any lower anyway, probably.

Left to his own devices, Allen decided to get to work. What he liked best about his job as a translator was the fact he could do it anywhere – including his own bed – and with minimal social interaction. In most cases that is. Which was really good since, over the years, he found himself slowly but surely becoming the loner type. He still loved people and appreciated them, but it was just easier to be alone.

He was working on a book in Italian recently and was progressing pretty nicely, but the few days he has spent with his family reflected noticeably on how much he managed to get done. So he guessed it was just safer to speed up the tempo a bit. Especially since he had to go to the university twice the following week.

During the short break he took later on, he toyed with the idea of contacting Lenalee, but decided he could as well let Kanda's presence be a surprise. Because truth was he had invited her over for the next weekend about two months prior. All he had to do was keep Kanda in place until then. Which wasn't as hard as it seemed, he guessed. The more he told him to get out, the more he was likely to stay. And, well, he _wanted_ the man to get out. He also wasn't above letting him know about that as frequently as he felt like it.

Next time they interacted with each other, it was already late evening.

"Listen, dipshit―"

"I have a name, you know," Allen interrupted him, feeling a bittersweet sense of familiarity.

"Yeah, a name which I don't know and don't care for," Kanda answered snappishly.

"My real name is still _Allen_ , that much hasn't changed," he managed through clenched teeth. The man eyed him coldly at that and he realised his reaction might have seemed exaggerated. Though has it really? He was always very particular about that one topic and Kanda should know that better than anyone else.

"Sure, whatever. Just keep in mind the faster you give me the fucking contact to her, the faster I'll move out." Kanda wasn't even going to specify. Not that he needed to, not really.

"You can as well do it now then, because I'm not about to," Allen pointed at him with his fork as he said so and barely repressed a smile when that made Kanda dump his plate into the sink with more force than necessary.

"Fucking put that into the dishwasher, would you?," he called after him, but a scoff was all he got in reply.


	4. One day when it started to click

6th May, Monday

"Why are you here? Don't you have classes in your elementary school today or something?," Allen asked irritably as Kanda was obviously present in the apartment the next day, despite it being ten o'clock. And he wished to be alone, damn it. Things from the past that he no longer wanted to remember came back to him at night like they often tended to and he haven't slept well.

He could tell his little remark made Kanda want to throw things at him.

"Don't make me crush your _damned face_ , I'm _twenty_."

"Oh yeah? Still a brat to me," he chided with deep satisfaction.

"It's _four years_ difference."

"Really? I'm pretty sure I knew someone who went further than that about _three_." Allen made an impression of being deep in thought. "Ooh, wait, it was _you_ , wasn't it?"He expected everything, but not a smirk.

"And I'm still taller."

Right where it hurt the most.

"Go _die_."

With that, Allen went back to work.

Or at least that was what he attempted to do, but couldn't focus. Honestly, _why_ was Kanda just sitting around on Monday? That is― Allen guessed he could be doing a major where he didn't have that much classes or something, right? Of course. No need to over think it, really. But still, it wasn't letting him focus for some reason.

He knew all too well how it felt. Suddenly being in a world with no place to belong. He imagined it was how all the ex-Exorcists were now – _if_ everyone was really born again that is.

Fuck, it was so messed up. They were given a fresh start and theoretically had all the perspectives that normal people had. But― really? Why would someone who was living on the battlefield suddenly go to school? Worry about education, family, relationships, employment? It didn't feel right. He remembered how tempted he was to just quit. To give up on that unnatural live. The world still existed and that was all the prize they needed, so what sense did it all make?

But it wasn't right. He knew that. Chance is still a chance. They could do all the things they couldn't back then. Lenalee made him see that. She was really happy now. With her family.

If― If Kanda was doing something _stupid_ like― existing without a purpose and just waiting for something to finally kill him, he won't forgive him.

He closed his laptop with too much force, grimacing. He wanted to confront the man.

But― hey, really, he could be overreacting. Waiting for a few more days, observing, seemed like a much better idea.

Sighing, he got up, settling on making himself some tea. He could grab a snack, too.

As usual, he felt like he could eat a mountain of different foods, unable to choose just one. It was a stupid problem, but it was still pissing him off. His stomach was so _small_ now. How in hell people could function like that?

Kanda was sitting in the living room again. This time with a laptop, sat comfortably on a coach. But what really stood out in the picture was the fact the he had glasses on. _Glasses_. Oh God, he almost looked smart. It was unbearable.

"What?," the man snapped at him and Allen realised he must have been watching him with some kind of funny expression.

"They suit you," he said, gesturing at Kanda's face with a nod of his head. They really did. Even if it seemed a bit funny.

"Shut up," the man answered, pretty predictably, then just focusing back on his screen with a displeased scowl.

Scrambling around the kitchen in silence, he gave Kanda occasional appraising looks. Yeah, the glasses really did suit him. Though it seemed sad in a way. The person who could heal close to any wound in the past, now needed things like that. He could only imagine how weird it must feel for the man.

"Are you dyeing your hair?," Kanda asked suddenly, derailing Allen's train of thought. His tone was flat, the man probably not wanting to let know he was curious.

"What do you mean?," he asked at first, really not getting it. But one dubious glance Kanda shot him above his frames was enough for him to realise his stupidity.

"Oh," he blinked. "No, it's my natural colour." Then he furrowed his eyebrows, specifying. "It always was."

Kanda actually looked a bit surprised.

"Did you really think someone could just have white hair like that? _Really_?," Allen laughed at him openly, which Kanda certainly didn't appreciate.

"Well, you weren't exactly _normal_ , idiot," he snapped. "If you could have had that hand, then―," the man was clearly about to go into an all-out shouting match with him, but then interrupted himself suddenly, falling quiet. "Never mind, let's not go there."

Kanda wasn't looking at him now.

Allen relaxed his hands that tightened into fists somewhere along the way. It took him a few calming breaths before he spoke.

"Yeah. Let's not," he replied coldly, shutting himself inside his room again, mug it hand. Crap, he forgot about his snack.

 _God damn it_. He fucking knew having Kanda around wasn't a good idea. They― _knew_ too much about each other. Had too much to shove into each other's faces. Kanda withdrew this time. Before he even begun saying something that could have bothered both of them, really. But Allen knew all too well – and Kanda did, too – how much overboard they could go sometimes when having a fight.

Kanda's past – not their mutual one, the previous one – was what haunted his dreams that night.


	5. One day when irritation peaked

9th May, Thursday

"I asked you to buy milk," Allen whined, making a face as he poured yoghurt over his cereal.

"You could go buy it yourself," Kanda answered snappishly. Well, he didn't want to admit he just forgot, actually. He didn't like diary that much, so it just so happened he completely omitted the alley while doing groceries. And he shouldn't have. At least he wouldn't have to hear the idiot complaining.

"No, I couldn't. There is a reason we agreed to take turns shopping."

Jesus. Did he ever _shut up_.

"I agreed to nothing. Not even to _living_ here, so fucking stop trying to set a _routine_." Kanda irritably crossed his arms over his chest, clicking his tongue.

"Oh? So you're finally moving out? Today, maybe?" Allen sounded all too pleased.

"No."

"Then cooperate." He shot the Asian a look as if he had _won_ before retreating to his room with the food. Kanda glared at his back wholeheartedly.

He didn't understand him. Not one fucking bit. Couldn't he just give him contact to that damn woman and let them part at last? Forever, preferably. He wanted to meet her, but was starting to consider if it was really worth it.

Though it wouldn't have been so bad, actually, If only it always looked like the previous two days. The bean went off somewhere, university or some other shit, and Kanda was left to himself, doing nothing in partic―

'Bean sprout', huh? It was no fun calling him that now, with all the whiteness gone. It made Kanda displeased to a surprising extent.

He clicked his tongue, deciding it was time to go about his own breakfast. He finished his tea and was starting to get hungry.

And no, Kanda wasn't stupid enough to think people could casually go having white hair, not really. Though he remembered Allen's white eyebrows and eyelashes all too vividly. They stood out after all. That could fool anyone. It was very easy to believe it was just normal for the bean to be white and pale and all too much albino-like.

He wondered what could have happened that he became like that then. Though it was pretty clear to him that it was one of those things he was better off not knowing.

After eating, he went right back to what he was doing ever since he moved in – that is looking for a new apartment. It was such a pain in the ass. He was hoping he won't be doing that again for a long time when he found Allen's place. It was nice and spacious and well-situated.

All the pros were easily outweighed by this one con that was the fucking Walker though and he was stuck doing this damned searching thing again.

He put his glasses on.

 _Suited_ him. Right.

After a ridiculous amount of time, he still had nothing interesting. Was it really so fucking hard? He wasn't about to stay with Allen for forever, for fuck's sake.

But, well, he had to put up with this situation till the end of the month. He might have been saying otherwise, but money mattered in this God forsaken reality they found themselves in. And he didn't have that much of it. Or not enough to just abandon the place he paid for anyway.

What made his situation a bit more difficult was the fact he was very unwilling to try living with _someone_ again. He decided to look for a studio flat now.

He was aware that suddenly bumping into Allen was probably the most unlikely and most unfortunate thing that could happen, but he didn't want to risk it. Not again. Especially since― it wasn't like his previous arrangement was any better.

But that wasn't a coincidence, no. It was―

It was a mistake. His mistake.

As the thoughts of his previous flatmate invaded his mind, he was tempted to throw his laptop away. But he just tossed his glasses on the floor instead, sitting the computer on the coach beside him.

" _Fuck_." He rubbed his face irritably, fingers sliding to push his hair back.

He wasn't contacting that person again. And it was a good choice, he convinced himself so.

It was of course that precise moment Allen decided to reappear in the kitchen-living room compartment and he stopped dead on his track, staring right at him.

Kanda only glared, as if daring him to speak. They were completely still like that for what seemed to be a really long while, but then something changed in the other man's face.

"I'm not asking," Allen spoke up finally, but didn't move from his place.

 _Good_. Someone nosing into his private stuff was the last thing he needed.

It was only then that Kanda noticed a pack of Marlboro in Walker's hand. "Wanna smoke?," a question followed.

"I don't smoke." It was only half-true. He didn't expect that from the bean though. A grimace twisted his face.

"Okay. Well, whatever." Allen was clearly about to shrug, but then suddenly stopped halfway, smiling in this completely fake way only he could pull off. "Oh, right, you're the health freak type. Meditation and your body being a temple, right? I'm _so sorry_. I won't ask again."

Kanda wanted to hit him. Honestly wanted to hit him. But then Allen passed by him and, luckily for his face, went straight to the balcony.

"Little shit," Kanda mumbled, but obviously not quietly enough since Allen's head popped right back into the room with a grimace.

"I heard that," he said and made a few steps forward, taking a drag and blowing smoke right into the Asian's face.

Kanda glared.

"Bummer. You were supposed to cough like a little bitch," he said with face exaggeratedly full of distaste.

Kanda glared harder.

He really needed to move out.


	6. One day, one step

10th May, Friday

Lenalee was coming tomorrow and Allen felt very satisfied with how he managed to make Kanda stay up until now. She was going to love the surprise, he believed.

As for Kanda―

Well, whatever. But he was probably going to be kind of pleased, too. As far as he was capable of that anyway.

And the only thing that was bothering him at the moment was how it strongly looked like Kanda has really― been doing _nothing_ for those few days they lived together.

Allen understood he probably didn't look much better from the outside, holed up in his room all the time. But hey, he could always apologize if it turned out Kanda was busy with something as well. Or, well, maybe not really _apologize_ , but― um, yeah.

He was eating his dinner right now, openly staring at Kanda from his seat at the table.

"What are you doing?," he asked finally, already far from the point when he could restrain himself.

"Fucking sitting with my laptop, can't you see?" Kanda clicked his tongue, obviously not appreciating being bothered.

"Yeah. I see that. Been seeing that for a few days already, actually. That's not really what I meant. What are you doing in your life right now." At that the man looked up at him with an ugly scowl.

"Why do you care?"

Allen calmly chewed down on his noodles, swallowing before answering.

"I don't. Or rather I wouldn't if you weren't slacking off right before my eyes. At my damned apartment," he answered honestly, wondering if Kanda was going to really divulge him anything. If not, then Allen was probably right about him. The man was highly unlikely to pass a chance of proving him wrong.

"It's still none of your business. And stop acting as if I _want_ to be here, asshole."

At Kanda's defensive answer he sighed sadly.

"Mmm, s' that so," he mumbled, more to himself than anything.

"Are you even in a position to judge, really. You're always just sitting in your room," the man scoffed at him.

Ah, yes. There it goes.

"I'm working," he answered flatly.

Kanda faltered. He was clearly not expecting that, which was stupid. He _could_ afford this damn apartment after all. Which was partially because of his parents who supported him when he didn't get too much commissions and couldn't get by, but about _that_ Kanda had no way to know.

"Don't look at me like that. I'm _actually working_. From home, but still." Kanda grimaced. "You?"

"Not right at the moment." He almost gritted that through his teeth.

Huh. The real answer was "never have" then. He hoped a conversation with Lenalee could help with Kanda's obvious lack of motivation. And no, he wasn't really trying to shame the man right now. He understood. It was just sad.

Sighing, Allen put his dishes in the washer.

He was about to go for his cigarettes to his room, but then remembered he wanted to smoke after eating all along and actually had them in his pocket. So, going to the balcony, he paid Kanda no heed. The man should probably think a few things over. Him pointing things out could have streaked Kanda's pride the right way if he was lucky.

Bringing up his lighter he kept inside the pack, he stilled, noticing the man actually followed him.

"Huh," he articulated around his cigarette.

"Shut up," Kanda huffed tiredly, stealing him one Marlboro before he could react.

"Thought you didn't smoke." He smiled crookedly.

Kanda ignored him, sitting down, heavily leaning against the wall.

Taking it as a strange form of opening up, Allen just squatted, handing him a lighter as soon as he himself used it.

"Doesn't seem like a first time to me," he hummed as Kanda just took a drag, not looking at him.

" 's not."

Then they just stayed like that in a pretty companionable silence. Allen smiled a bit, despite himself. Kanda was going to be okay, wasn't he? Just a push in the right direction was all he needed. Though that push wasn't a job for him, he guessed.

That was when he decided that if Kanda changes his mind about them living together, he had no business in not letting him.

"Even small steps are fine, you know," he said before leaving the balcony, the package oh-so-unintentionally abandoned, should Kanda need it.

Getting used to this strangely peaceful and painfully boring world wasn't easy, but it's not like it wasn't worth it. Kanda just had to discover it himself.


	7. One day when old memories returned

11th May, Saturday

"Allen? Don't get me wrong, but do you want to get rid of me? Sorry to say that, but I saw you drive away. You seemed quite in a hurry," Lenalee said, worried.

Has something happened? She didn't like the idea of him not wanting her here. But, well, why go inviting her if that was the case?

" _Shit_."

Oh. She was probably not supposed to hear that.

"Lenalee… I know how it all looks like, but can you please go to my apartment anyway? I'm not there, but… anyway, just please do."

She furrowed her eyebrows. Really, he was such a cryptic boy sometimes. It did sound kind of interesting though. She smiled.

"Okay―," she started, wondering. "Am I supposed to wait for you in front of the door then? You know, I could just go buy a cake or something instead if you need some time. Oh! Or―"

"No, no. Lenalee, just please go. You'll see, okay?"

"O-okay then," she blinked slowly, amused.

"And knock, okay? Ah, sorry, I have to go. I'm driving and― you know."

"Fine, fine. And stop using your phone when you drive, really!"

"Hey, _you_ called me―! Ugh, okay, bye. Good luck."

With that, the line went dead.

"Good luck," she echoed, surprised. What in the world―? She supposed she could only go see for herself then, right?

The elevator just came, so she put her phone back into the purse before pushing the button with "9" on it.

Honestly, what was that all about? Oh! Maybe Allen found himself a nice guy at last and wanted her to meet him?

Ah, no. It probably didn't make much sense. Why would Allen be absent in that case after all. Curious. Really curious.

Wild ideas didn't stop appearing in her head even as she brought her hand up to knock. She was probably going overboard with her imagination, she thought, shaking her head.

"What the hell? Did you forget something? Fucking use your own―" The muffled voice she heard from the other side of the door became clear as the apartment suddenly stood open, revealing a young man. Words died on his lips as he saw her. "―key," he finished absentmindedly, furrowing his thin eyebrows.

Was that― It couldn't be, but―

It _was_ , wasn't he?

She knew she stared and the man before her didn't look pleased by that.

"Al― _He_ isn't here," he clicked his tongue in a very nostalgic manner and she couldn't fool herself if she tried.

" _Kanda_ ― I… _oh my God_ ," her voice cracked and she had a feeling her makeup was going to run down her face very soon. "Oh my God."

She covered her mouth with her palm, trying to repress incoming sobs, but failed.

He did the most awkward face she have ever seen on him, clearly fighting with himself if he should touch her arm or not, flash of recognition in his eyes.

"Lenalee?"

It was all it took for her to instantly embrace him tightly, sobbing into his shirt uncontrollably.

"I― didn't expect―," she tried to put herself together, but it didn't go that well and she felt a hand tentatively rest on the top of her head. But it only made her wail more, nose almost painfully digging into her friend's chest with the force of the hug.

"Stop," he said in an uncharacteristically soft voice. "You're ruining your makeup, aren't you," he mumbled, now a bit grumpily and she made herself reluctantly detach from him after another short moment.

"I'm― sorry. I just―," she couldn't really bring herself to even finish the sentence , wiping off the mascara from under her eyes, guessing it was probably everywhere now. On his shirt for sure.

"Come in," he interrupted her, visibly a little uncomfortable and stepped to the side, letting her pass.

Walking inside, she tried taking calming breaths, then gratefully taking a glass of water Kanda handed her. Oh, she was such a mess; she didn't even notice he went off anywhere and yet he was already back.

"Thank you," she managed after drinking a few sips, nodding her head, hand gripping the glass firmer than necessary.

"You can―" He gestured at the coach stiffly and she couldn't hold back a laugh.

"Kanda, you don't have to try so hard to be courteous. But thank you." She smiled genuinely, taking a sit. "God, I probably look horrible right now. That Alex, he could warn me― somehow―"

Kanda made a disoriented face and she realized her mistake.

"Oh, right. I can call him Allen. It's you, after all. I― It's amazing. I thought I was lucky enough just meeting him up until now and suddenly you―" She shook her head, teeth flashing in a bright grin she couldn't stop. "And look at you! Allen changed this much, but you're exactly the same. I mean, your hair is a little shorter, but that's just a detail. As handsome as ever, I almost feel ashamed. I'm so old compared to you both!"

Kanda took a sit by her side with a very weird expression.

"Lenalee, you're rambling," he worded a bit snappishly, giving off a slight impression of being embarrassed. It was so cute, honestly.

"I'm just happy, you know. Let me have my moment!," she laughed heartily.

He rolled his eyes at her, but she could tell he wasn't really irritated.

"And, um, I don't want to be rude, but― what are you doing here, actually? How did you both even get in touch― I can believe he didn't let my know."

She could hardly decide which questions should she ask first.

"Coincidence," he said; judging by his tone, clearly not thinking it was a fortunate one.

But Lenalee just tried to stop herself from biting her lip at that, thinking how her ideas she had before coming here have hit pretty close home. _Found himself a nice guy_ , was it? Well, Kanda maybe wasn't really _nice_ per se, but―

"And how old are you now? You really look so _young_! I'm thirty five and― well, being called 'Lenalee' all of sudden really takes me back to the old days. I'm Wu Fen now. You don't have to call me that though, of course. I understand it's probably― oh, sorry, I'm talking too much again, aren't I?," she laughed again, brushing her neck-length hair behind her ear. She felt so nervous, somehow.

"I'm twenty― Morita Rikuya." A slight grimace twisted his face and he wasn't really looking at her by now.

"Oh, then you're younger than―," she started, but the look in Kanda's eyes made her drop that. "Rikuya is a pretty unique name, isn't it? I've been a flight attendant and got to know a lot of people, but it's the first time I've heard that one."

It was smooth, but still not smooth enough and Kanda looked a bit offended.

Nothing to be surprised about, she guessed. With as well as she knew both her friends, it was all too easy to imagine the teasing which Kanda probably was on the receiving end of because of his age.

"Yeah." Kanda barely nodded.

They were having this, balancing on the verge of monologue, conversation for at least few hours. It only continued for so long, because Lenalee was very curious. She wanted to know if he had any siblings, what his parents were doing, where he had been living up until now and much, much more. Enough to say, Kanda wasn't really keen on answering with more than a few words, so it ended up with her patiently pulling things out of him. It took time, but it was okay. She didn't realise how much she had missed her friend, really. And Kanda wasn't asking her much, but she still included a few things about herself that he could have cared for. He didn't show much interest, outwardly, but the way he was listening carefully was enough of a proof for her that he actually wanted to know.

She checked her phone at some point, realising it's been enough time that her husband might have started to worry. They came to England together for a week and the kids stayed with grandma back home. He promised her they were going to spend a lot of time together, both forgetting about work for a while. But, well, she had to disappear for today. She explained him who she was going off to see, but very vaguely – it wasn't that easy to explain after all.

But, fortunately, he haven't tried to contact her yet. What came instead was a message from Allen.

 _Can I come home now? I'm starting to get bored._

"Oh, holy fish sticks," she muttered under her breath, ignoring Kanda who snorted in the background, preparing some coffee. The message came close to an hour ago.

It only hit her now how considerate Allen was. He must have known Kanda was going to be awkward with her either way and it would have only been worse with him present. He was just so adorable.

"I'm calling Allen, okay?," she signalled the man in the kitchen, but he was just making his way back, holding two steaming cups in his hands.

"He's going to be pissed he missed your visit." Kanda smirked with satisfaction and she frowned at him.

"What are you talking about, Kanda? He invited me, you know. Who do you take me for? I wouldn't just barge in without contacting!"

The man's expression faltered and it was her turn to smile. No way she was going to let Allen's favour go unnoticed. They both needed to acknowledge it wasn't really like one genuinely hated the other. There was more to it, she knew. It was high time for them to realise that, too.

#$

Allen gave Lenalee a quick hug in the same manner he greeted her when he came back home. She sent them both a smile before leaving with one last "I'll pay you a visit again as soon as I can, okay?" and then the door closed.

Turning the lock, he wondered what Lenalee and Kanda have been talking about. He'll just have to ask her later, he guessed. It's not like the man was going to tell him anything, so―

But it wasn't really like he wanted to be nosy. He could just observe and maybe intervene only when Kanda would seem to still be so― _bored_.

He knew him well enough to know stagnation couldn't have been doing him any good. Kanda was a man of action, he needed something he could dedicate himself to.

It was a bit later that Allen realised he shouldn't care. Kanda was going to move out soon, after all. But as late evening came and the man didn't seem to be doing anything even resembling packing, he couldn't help himself and gave the Asian a long, meaningful stare, smirking.

" _What_ ," Kanda snapped at him. Provoking him was really so _easy_ , it was amazing.

"Nothing," he answered with a lopsided smile and didn't have to wait long for Kanda to glare at him. "Just wondering when are you going to start packing, is all."

"I'm tired today. Lenalee was asking too many questions," he clicked his tongue, but also turned his head away, breaking the eye contact.

Huh.

"Okay." Allen just shrugged and went about his own business in the kitchen, spirits unexpectedly high. Honestly, Kanda was so amusing sometimes.

"Thanks."

Kanda murmured it so quietly that he thought he was hearing things. But when he looked up at him, eyebrows high, the man spoke up again, though still looking at the screen of his laptop.

"For today."

"Oh."Allen was speechless for a moment, to say the least. "You're welcome," he said finally, tempted to add "It's not like I did it for you anyway." But he didn't do it, feeling like it would be too much of a lie after all.

He slept really well that night.


	8. One day, past mementos

25th May, Saturday

Kanda still haven't moved out the next day. And the next. _And_ the next. And before either noticed, it's been two weeks. Allen was done questioning him about that though. He just let it be, occasionally smiling to himself at how much Kanda could complain and yet do nothing about the thing that apparently aggravated him. Living with Allen, that is. And that's why, above all else, the currently older male was almost ready to admit they were becoming comfortable with each other's presence. _Almost_ , because―

"So," he spoke up, waiting to gain even a semblance of the man's attention.

It was difficult though, because Kanda was set on making the situation more awkward than it really was. Allen just― made him his tea this morning. Green, obviously no sugar. Just like the man always prepared for himself. And, yeah, he also might have done a breakfast for two people―

Jesus. So _what_? Really. He just woke up early today. It wasn't like he was forcing Kanda to eat it. Though the man was currently doing just that, sitting across the table from Allen with a scowl on his face, chewing. The bastard.

He was soon going to fuck up Allen's good mood like that. And he was so _positive_ it was going to be a good day. He has just finished his book commission yesterday. Everything was nice and checked and ready for publication, his income for the work secured. But no, Kanda just _had_ to be a dick.

Aside from that, he wasn't speaking up just to get rid of the weird atmosphere. There _was_ a topic he wanted to bring up. He was curious about it for some time now, but only recently he started to see a chance of actually receiving a reply. Hell. Might as well try now.

" _So_ , Kanda," he begun again. "Are we ever going to talk about the fact you illegally keep a weapon in my apartment?"

Kanda finally looked at him, though with obvious distaste.

"No."

"I can report it, you know." Not that Allen really planned to. But yes, he _could_. It was a fact.

" _Fuck you_. No one said it's illegal. I could be a registered collector."

"But you're not." Well, obviously. He didn't really see Kanda doing all the paperwork needed. And, well, it probably entailed a considerable amount of funds as well, somehow. That's at least what Allen thought anyway. And if the man really wasn't working― yeah. Though he guessed it's not like buying a sword, even not legally, was a cheap thing.

Kanda clicked his tongue.

"I'm not talking about that. It doesn't really bother you anyway." It was true, but he didn't like the way Kanda sounded so confident about that.

"How can you be so sure?" Before Allen even got to finish the question, Kanda's eyes travelled to his black hand. Well, fuck. "Kanda, tattoos are _not_ illegal," he said, but his voice was shaking slightly. The Asian's point got across alright. It was the same thing, wasn't it?

Just like Allen's arm had been almost physically hurting him before he got the tattoo, Kanda without his sword might have felt something similar.

He remembered that all too well, even if it's been years since then. Waking up from a nightmare, barely able to breathe from the weird sensations his own arm was giving him. The irrational fear of someone touching it, as if he didn't know what it was going to do in reaction. The creeps he gave _himself_ whenever he unconsciously used the hand to do mundane things like even scratch his own back. He remembered how he thought being ambidextrous was truly a blessing, just because he could neglect his left hand like that; at least sometimes. Honestly, the arm just didn't feel like it was his.

It got much better since he got the tattoo done. It has cost a ridiculous amount of money, but was worth every pound he methodically saved from his pocket money and a few extra kind-of-jobs like helping his elder neighbours with their garden. He was about fifteen at the time and his mother cried for days once he got home after the first session, wailing that he must have entered the rebellious age. He got grounded, obviously. If not only for fabricating his parents' consent he showed at the studio. Once the punishment was over, he just continued going there until his arm looked like it should.

He thought he hated it back _then_ , long ago, when he was an exorcist. But it wasn't really that simple, was it?

He tried to blink his rush of thoughts away, but Kanda spoke up before he actually managed.

"By the way, you paint your nails on that hand, don't you?"

"Wha―" Well, obviously. He had to, since it would look incredibly stupid with just his nails standing out. And maybe he wasn't very proud of that fact, but― Hey, he was choosing only the matte polishes and it wasn't looking _that_ bad, okay?

"That's so gay, dipshit."

It was hardly an insult to him, but that didn't mean he wanted to hear _Kanda_ saying that.

"So― what? You mean just like your hair, right?"

It was the first time they actually exchanged punches since the man moved in.

Uh, well. Allen thought they should be proud of making it this far anyway.


	9. One day just came and went

26th May, Sunday

Allen woke up and was very displeased to find his jaw hurting. It was only to be expected though. He provoked Kanda to hit him deliberately enough. He should regret it, he guessed, but the little voice inside of his head insisted it was still worth it.

Well, worth it or not, he hoped he didn't have much of a bruise. And if he did, then that it wouldn't be too visible by Tuesday. He still had some classes after all.

And Kanda didn't. So he couldn't care less about the man's cheek.

But, either way, that thing yesterday only started as a minor scrimmage. Allen wasn't really sure how it came to punches.

He yawned widely, stretching.

Well, it didn't matter all that much.

Pushing the covers off of himself, he placed his feet on the floor sleepily. It was so hard to properly wake up, somehow. But, yeah, he went to bed late. And still woke up around the usual hour. So that was probably it. He left his room somewhat groggily.

Kanda was already awake, judging by his laptop and glasses put down on the couch. He was probably in the bathroom though, because Allen couldn't spot him anywhere.

Not thinking much, he went ahead and made himself some tea, yawning again once or twice. Damn. This really called for a nap later.

His flatmate greeted him with a click of his tongue, sparing him only a glance as he reappeared in the living room.

"Good morning to you, too, Kanda," he murmured.

"Dress yourself" was a snappish reply and Allen instantly discovered that, yes, he was actually only in his boxers and a T-shirt. And he usually at least put on some sweatpants. _Well_.

"No. It's my home. I can walk around naked if I want to."

"But you're not the only one here."

"Am I distracting you, Kanda?," he asked seriously, turning to face the Asian properly. The man only made a face. "Thought so. Then shut up, will you? I'm not complaining you always come out of the shower in a _towel_." That was true, though he couldn't deny he tried extra hard to make a disgusted face every time he was there to witness it.

Kanda didn't answer that with much more than a roll of his eyes and Allen just pulled out a chair for himself, sitting by the table, steam invitingly rolling off of his favourite mug. Which was pretty unusual, he thought absentmindedly. Because his bright as the Sun itself flatmate seemed to like it, too, and often stole it. Allen never let him know though. He didn't want Kanda teasing him just because he actually had a favourite mug. And he was pretty sure that was what would happen. The Asian would probably think it was stupid. He didn't want to hear him say that.

"Wasting your time again today?," he asked as he sipped his tea, dully observing the slight miscolouring on Kanda's cheek.

They haven't talked at all after the fight yesterday, but Allen usually wasn't one to hold a grudge for long. And the mood could use some lightening anyway.

But it took Kanda so long to answer that he half-expected not getting any reply. He was mistaken though.

"No," the man grumbled finally.

"Oh? What are you doing then?"

"Why do you care."

Figures.

"Just curious." Allen shrugged, honest.

Kanda was watching him closely like he contemplated the conversation to be some kind of trap, but gave in after a moment.

"I'm looking for a job since Thursday," he worded somehow reluctantly, breaking the eye contact in an oddly fetching way.

And—now that Allen thought about it, Thursday was a pretty bad day for him. He remembered that there was an alarming number of things he had to fix in his book commission and was given barely a day to deal with that. That day was the last Thursday to be precise. And he was so on edge that he was eating almost constantly, be it even dry cereal. That's why he moved with his laptop to the kitchen at one point. Kanda tried to talk to him, he remembered. Probably to throw in some snide comments and add up to Allen's irritation, but was completely ignored.

He wondered if that had anything to do with Kanda's sudden— _enthusiasm_ , so to say. It could as well be something entirely different though. The Asian could have even called Lenalee and maybe she finally persuaded him to do something. Allen hasn't alarmed her about Kanda's stagnancy though, even if he kind of promised himself he would. It isn't to say she couldn't have figured it out on her own, somehow. So— yeah, that was probably it.

"Good luck then. Or do you have something on your mind already?," he spoke up after a minute of thoughtful silence and Kanda gave him a curious glance. He expected teasing, probably.

"Not yet," he admitted and they left it at that.

As the day dragged by, Allen suddenly thought about the end of May that was coming in big steps. He didn't feel the time flowing for the whole second half of the month, somehow. It felt like they have both just accepted how things were and simply—lived. It was amazing how adaptive people could be.

But Allen guessed he got a bit carried away in his getting used to the situation. To the point that he felt kind of awkward remembering Kanda was moving out soon. It's not that he wanted him to stay, but—well, or did he? He wasn't going to stop him either way. The man could do whatever he wanted. But the thought of looking for a new flatmate _did_ make Allen sigh heavily.

It was comfortable in a way. Living with Kanda that is. He didn't have to pretend, could just be himself and all that. And it applied to the Asian man even more than it did to Lenalee. He had to be always polite in front of her after all, at least to some extent. Even if he had to force it sometimes. He just liked her having a good opinion on him, he guessed. And that was never an issue with Kanda. He could even insult him _just so_ if he felt like it and it never influenced the weird relation they had going on.

Later, as Allen's stomach let him know it was about time for dinner, something highly unexpected happened. And, frankly, it just proved in how unusual of an arrangement they really were.

"At least clean after yourself, please," Allen commented irritably, seeing Kanda left a pot on the stove but that was before he noticed there was still food in there. Noodles, from the looks of it.

He looked at Kanda questioningly. More precisely, at his full bowl of food he attempted to disappear into his room with before Allen entered the kitchen. And then the man shut the door behind himself with a scowl, leaving Allen to contemplate—

Has Kanda really, _actually_ made dinner for him?

"Is it my share?," he yelled, hoping to get at least an insult – which would be as good as confirmation –, but to no avail.

Allen _was_ hungry though. So he was going to eat it.

Or that's what he initially thought anyway. That was obviously before he inspected the food more closely, which left him wondering what kind of sauce was this shade of brown. It didn't look very inviting, to say the least. Bluntly, it looked shitty. But hey, food was still food. Especially since it was just _there_ , requiring minimum effort of putting it onto a bowl.

And as he nibbled at it carefully he was pleased to discover it was actually very good. Kind of spicy, but also sweet—? Yeah, really tasty.

And he wasn't about to let Kanda's efforts go unappreciated, no. So he knocked on the man's door obnoxiously loud, grinning. And he didn't even expect a "come in", not really.

"Thank you, Kanda! That was so sweet of you to cook for me! It was yummy!" With the volume of his exaggeratedly sweet voice, it was impossible for the Asian not to hear it and the loud growl from the other side of the door only confirmed it for him that the message got across.

He was still snickering as he moved to put all the dishes away, but then his mood suddenly dropped a bit. It would really be a shame if Kanda moved out so soon, wouldn't it?


	10. One day, unexpected turnout

31th May, Friday

 _So_ —that was it. Or so Allen thought first thing in the morning.

"Good morning, Kanda," he said, seeing the man in the kitchen, a little confused. Wasn't today the last day of May? Well, he could be mistaken, but— Yeah, anyway. Kanda ignored him as per usual, this time going as far as to not even spare him a look. And he really didn't quite understand why the Japanese guy was still in the apartment, but maybe he just intended to move out tomorrow? It was probable. Though, from the looks of it, Kanda was not packing just yet.

Around noon, Allen decided to do laundry. It wasn't a thing he enjoyed very much, especially since he had a feeling it always took him longer than it really should, but it was nonetheless necessary. He was pretty busy with that, but still managed to catch a few glances of his flatmate. And Kanda was still not packing.

When he was finished, he had a few things to talk about with his editor about the next assignment, so he locked himself up in his bedroom for a longer while, but when he popped out to grab a snack, Kanda was still not packing.

Around four, he was pretty much done with everything he _had_ to do that day and went to smoke on the balcony before deciding what to eat for dinner. As he relaxed against the railing, taking a drag, and observed through the glass door, Kanda was _still_ not packing.

Allen was slowly starting to make certain assumptions when, around six, the other man started casually reading a book in the living room. And the way Kanda has been at all cost avoiding eye contact the whole day suddenly made sense. And the whole situation was only getting funnier and funnier over time. Because Kanda was still _not_ packing.

He eventually settled on eating fried rice, because he didn't feel like preparing anything more complicated. He was too engrossed in giving Kanda a long, hard stare on every occasion he got. It was amazing how the man, very obviously, struggled not to snap at him. It would trigger a confrontation after all and Kanda couldn't be wanting that with all the effort he has put into not interacting with Allen since morning. Because why yes, Kanda was still not packing.

Later, around nine, Allen would probably just read something or fool around the internet in his room, but decided against that. He started playing a game he even forgot he had on his disc instead. Really loud. In the living room. He just sat on the floor with his laptop propped up on the coffee table. Perfectly across Kanda. And it was beautiful. Kanda's face was just this amazing mix of irritation and holding back, trying so hard not to tell him off. Not that it would help any. But that the man didn't even try to shoo him away was telling him plenty. Especially since he didn't at all give up on staring at Kanda very meaningfully. Because, obviously, Kanda was still not packing.

When, a few hours later, Allen realised he hasn't checked his phone even once since speaking with his editor and noticed a message from his landlady when found it, he wasn't even surprised. It said "Your flatmate paid for the next month, so I guess you're really getting along somehow. I'm really glad!" He smiled to himself. What a—well, Kanda. He didn't even have any other proper word for that. It was disarming, in a way. So much that he had quite a bit of trouble not laughing at Kanda's face.

It was past midnight, so, pretty tired, Allen decided to go to sleep. And when, instead of the customary "goodnight", he said "just reminding you it's your turn to take out the trash tomorrow", Kanda's expression was priceless.


	11. One day when little changes begun

3rd June, Monday

They weren't really talking for those three days. Kanda's kind-of-embarrassment for, more or less willingly, staying for at least another month had of course everything to do with it. Allen has just humoured him, not wanting to make the situation any more awkward.

He was pretty glad Kanda stayed, he admitted to himself, all things considered. Though he guessed saying that out loud would do more bad than good. So he just occasionally sent the man a – maybe a bit cocky – smile, remaining silent.

It was in the afternoon that the silence broke. It was just that Kanda looked like—like he was preparing to go out or something. Allen found it too hard not to comment. It was pretty much the first time he saw that after all. And it's been a _month_.

"It's not your turn for groceries, you know." He shot the man a careful look, rising his eyebrows. He was pretty sure Kanda wouldn't wear a dress shirt to go to the store though. It was just to make him react. He couldn't count on him just willingly sharing his plans after all. "And the fridge is full anyway," he added as an afterthought, for a better effect.

Kanda initially just clicked his tongue, turning his back on Allen as he put on his shoes. The better ones. Which was pretty suspicious in and of itself. And then he must have changed his mind as he finished, glancing at his flatmate out of the corner of his eye as he straightened up.

"I'm having a job interview, stupid."

Allen actually needed a few seconds to proceed that. Oh. Wow, Kanda was really _trying to do_ _something_ , wasn't he? That was nice. He felt pretty foolish now though, his first thought was admittedly a date or the likes of it. But really, Kanda on a _date_? What was he thinking, honestly. And the man _was_ looking for a job, so it should be obvious. Allen was probably just a bit too distracted to connect the dots.

"Wow, good luck, Kanda." Allen's expression was just short of mocking, even if he tried to hold it in.

"Don't you wow me. Fuck off," Kanda bit, throwing him a sharp glare, but then "and thanks," he mumbled right before going out. Well, wasn't that a pleasant surprise. That and the way Kanda actually looked really damn good in a shirt.

A little smile stretched on his face as he locked the door.

So. He was alone, huh? It has certainly been a while. And it was good, too. Especially the timing was. He really had a few things to think through. And nothing concerning Kanda, no. The man was doing significantly better lately and the interview thing just proved it. So it was high time Allen worried about himself for a change.

He was pretty—well, _needy_ lately. It only hit him about yesterday that he hasn't really had sex for at least half a year. Which wasn't necessarily that terribly long, but still. Now that he was actually thinking about it, he realized he could probably use a nice partner. And the thought wasn't all that out of the blue, not really. There just was this guy at the university and they knew each other for a while, though weren't all that close. And the guy, Steve was his name, started messaging him lately. About nothing in particular, but it was pretty easy to figure out what he was on about. And he seemed nice. Didn't look bad either.

There was this one thing holding Allen back though. It wasn't like he didn't try relationships before and, sadly, they always ended in pretty much the same fashion.

He simply— wasn't able to dedicate himself enough. And it really wasn't like he didn't try. Still, it was just too weird – being close and intimate with someone who called him "Alex". Once he even tried explaining to his partner that he didn't like his name and preferred to be called "Allen". He said that it was his childhood nickname and that he connected with it much more if he remembered correctly. It didn't really work out. All he gained were weirded out stares because that one time he might have overreacted a bit and actually started a shouting match about it.

Other time, in a different relationship, he very carelessly mentioned a word or two about the circus and then had to make up a story of himself running away from home to join it. It was ridiculous. But the biggest mistake was slipping in Mana's name. He then had to explain who he was, more or less, and as soon as the word "father" unconsciously came out of his mouth, it was pretty much over between him and his boyfriend. Or the start of it anyway. Because the guy knew his actual, biological father and things just became _so_ messed up. It was never said openly, but it was pretty obvious his partner started suspecting him of a personality disorder right then and there. A few further fuck ups on Allen's part only encouraged it and he ended up pretty much running away. He wasn't proud of that, but it was just too much for him. Especially since the guy tried to be understanding and caring. It made it so, _so_ much worse. And it wasn't the only time someone thought there was something wrong with his mentality. Far from it, actually. This relationship thing was just so hard. Something always had to go wrong.

But he didn't really want to be alone for the rest of his life. Like the last time. That is, he had friends then. But never someone closer, a partner. In this love kind of way, not just as a person who did missions with him. And he wanted that. He really did.

So maybe he could give this Steven guy a chance. I won't hurt to try— was what he would have liked to say, but it wasn't so necessarily true in his case.

Still, well, Steven was especially persistent today. He was saying something about a party this Saturday. Or maybe not as much of a party as a meet-up at the bar near their campus. Allen rarely attended things like that, but the guy tried to convince him that this time he really should come. And he might as well agree, actually. Really, why not. Even if just to see Kanda's face at the mention he actually had some friends. Though each of them was more of an acquaintance than anything, but he didn't really need to know that.

It was already evening when Kanda came back. Which was weird, but Allen didn't say anything about it. It was his business. He was still curious though and maybe that's why he was staring and the man eventually snapped.

" _What._ "

"Well? How did it go?," Allen asked with an easy smile, encouraging. _And where the fuck you actually applied? And what took you so long, dumbass? Also, you look like shit._ was all left unsaid.

"Just give me a cigarette," Kanda grumbled finally, leaving his shoes in a disarray.

The package was actually lying on the kitchen counter and Allen picked it up, shaking invitingly as he made his way to the balcony.

"Do you think you're gonna get the job?," he asked around his cigarette as he lit it, handing the lighter over to Kanda, both of them leaning on the railing.

"Yeah. Probably," he answered grumpily, blowing out the smoke in an irritated manner.

"What happened?" Allen actually laughed a little at his distress, furrowing his eyebrows, not understanding. Kanda didn't reply.

Okay, so, interviews could be tiring and stressful, but the Asian never struck him as the type to be bothered by things like that. Or, on the second thought—

"Did you sprain you face trying to smile?," he snorted and Kanda immediately glared at him.

"Just drop it, idiot."

And so Allen did, though reluctantly. Later, as Kanda changed his clothes and tried relaxing on the couch reading like he tended to lately, he seemed somehow restless. Finally, he dropped the book on the floor with a loud thump.

"We should buy a TV," he grumbled, staring at the ceiling.

Allen crooked a smile as he stirred his coffee after adding some milk. He needed to work until late today if he wanted to make it on time with his current assignment.

"Feeling at home much?"

"Shut up" was Kanda's only reply.

And so, the day ended.

#$

a/n: It's been too looong. But hello again, dear readers. I'm actually feeling like my writing spree is back, woooo.

Also, I just want to say I'm really amazed at how well you all respond to this story. I'm very grateful!


	12. One day when things seemed to get moving

4th June, Tuesday

Allen felt like he could be soon regretting it – and pretty sorely at that – but he made a final decision and agreed to Steven's proposition. Almost first thing in the morning, before he could change his mind. And, actually, it made him smile a bit at how the guy seemed sincerely happy about it. Then, arrangements made, his college friend went forgotten. Allen let him know beforehand that he was busy though. So it shouldn't come off as rude if he didn't reply to his texts today. Or at least he hoped so.

Never minding that, Allen got to doing his assignment. And, thankfully, managed to do a great load of translating and checking even before noon. But he felt tired and, as time passed, finally gave in to his body's demands, taking a nap. He deserved a break anyway.

As refreshed as he felt once he woke up, it was pretty weird not to have Kanda's grumpy presence around. But, well, he guessed he should get used to it. His flatmate was working now after all, not to say _finally_. He left around ten o'clock, so it was probably not even near the time he would be coming back though. And Allen wasn't quite sure what to do with himself.

So— what was it he did to relax before Kanda moved in? Because lately he just played on the Asian's nerves one way or another if he needed a stress reliever. Which he, obviously enough, couldn't do right now. Or— well, he could theoretically text him—

Ah, no. He didn't have his number, of course. But anyway, Kanda was at _work_. Which meant supposedly _busy_ , so scratch that.

He grabbed a snack and sat on his bed with a laptop again, but couldn't really focus this time, sadly. After doing barely a few pages, which took a ridiculous amount of time, he was sure of one thing – there wasn't any valid reason why he shouldn't have Kanda's number. So, he was going to take it from him. Be it even by force.

Then Allen realised he actually skipped a part of his morning routine. He was stupidly grateful for that, too – now he had something to busy himself with while he restored his concentration capability. And that something was workout, actually. Though he almost laughed at the thought how simple it was compared to what he did in his Exorcist days. Really, it was just some sit-ups and push-ups. _Normal_ push-ups this time. Though he _had_ tried to copy all of this crazy stuff once, but the results weren't something to brag about. But, thankfully, falling down the stairs worked wonders as an excuse for his bruises.

Regardless, he strived to do some of the exercises every morning, but _it's good for the health_ wasn't as good of a motivation as _you'll die if you're too weak_ was, he had to admit. So, the come out depended on a great deal of things. There were months when he pretty much slacked off, just because he didn't feel like moving. Lately he was doing pretty good though. Seeing Kanda that had a very similar morning habit _might_ have had something to do with that. Especially since his workout was obviously more effective – as it was proven to Allen every time the man left the bathroom after having a shower. Which was probably a part of why Kanda parading in just a towel bothered him that much. Yeah, okay, so it was like— five steps until he disappeared into his room. But still.

After exerting himself pretty thoroughly, Allen attempted to go back to work, but didn't manage to fall back into his rhythm _again_. Mainly because he got a feeling he smelled. And he _did_ take a shower that morning, but he guessed there was no helping it after sweating so much. Even if he didn't really feel like getting wet. And no one could blame him, really. It rained all day, until mere moments ago, and he felt like going into the shower would be as unpleasant as going outside.

Once he was under the warm stream of water, he realised that was actually what he needed all along. That and a good wank. That was what an empty apartment was good for, at least.

Relaxed and refreshed, Allen decided he was actually pretty hungry. The few sandwiches he had before didn't do much for him. So, a fluffy white towel resting on his neck – not to let the water dripping from his hair wet his fresh shirt –, he figured he could prepare something. While he was at it, he made it a portion for two. Kanda was coming back soon anyway. Probably.

It actually made him sigh. How much time did he actually waste, honestly. It was, what, past six already? Damn.

As soon as his chicken-rice-and-some-other-stuff was ready, he sat at the table. It was hot as hell, but he started eating anyway. Something about himself waiting with dinner until Kanda gets back from work bothered him awfully much. Finishing his share ahead was the least thing he could do to save his honour.

And, as if on cue, Kanda actually— Well, um, _barged in_ more than came back, precisely when Allen was putting his plate into the washer.

"Oh, hi, I missed you bitch face so much. You can't even imagine," he greeted the man cheerily. And, to his ultimate distaste, Kanda barely reacted at all.

"Gimme a cigarette," he grit through his teeth.

Déjà vu?

They followed pretty much the same pattern as the last time and Allen couldn't resist a one more go at Kanda's nerves as soon as they leaned on the railing. The silence was somehow irritating.

"You know, I understand you're probably around twelve, but you could fool a kiosk lady, I bet. Buy your own pack if you need it." He still shared though. _But_ – was ignored once more.

He made a face and actually shivered a little. It sure was damn cold for June. That said, he covered his still damp hair with his towel. And kicked Kanda's shin.

"What the fuck, _dumbshit_ ," Kanda growled around his cigarette, instantly making him feel better. Or at least that was before he was kicked right back. But ah, it sure felt good to have your efforts appreciated.

"You reek coffee. And toasts," Allen observed in response.

It wasn't that hard to guess what Kanda's job was at this point. How dull. Plus a barista thingy didn't suit him at all. Not to mention it was no secret Kanda wasn't very good with people. And, predictably, it looked like the job was pissing him off. More than Allen himself, even. Should he be jealous or what, honestly.

Kanda made a disgusted face at what he said.

"Would be hard not to," he spat.

"I see you love your job, that's _very_ good," Allen said in a serious tone, blowing smoke in his companion's face as he did so.

Kanda clicked his tongue.

"So? When are you getting a rise? Are we buying the TV soon?"

" _Yes, we are_."

Oh, so he was actually serious about that, wasn't he? Allen never saw a need to have some junk full of dumb programmes, but— okay? It wasn't like he couldn't afford it, actually. Unless it was one of those fancy new models he sometimes saw at stores. But even if that was what Kanda wanted, he could always try to beat it out of his dumb head. So it should be okay.

And that was another pleasant evening with his bastard of a flatmate.

Sarcastic as he may be though, Allen's spirits were set high and he honestly felt like he could work for a good while now.

And then Kanda's voice reached his ears from the kitchen, just as he was about to disappear into his room.

"Is that gloop edible?"

 _Asshole_.

"Yes. Choke on it, please. Goodnight."


End file.
